This One's fer Kinnie

This has been bothering me for a long, long time. Years, actually. But I don't often remember it unless I'm in the car listening to the radio, and obviously I can't write down my thoughts when I'm in there. So it just floats out of my head and never gets addressed.

There's a way-old song by Kenny Rogers. I keep hearing his name in my head being announced--didn't he have a summer show or even a prime-time variety show long time ago? Yes, I am heading toward being a member of the Geritol set (but not there YET!). Anyway, I hear that voice sayin,' "Kinnie Rodjerrrz!"

I have long made fun of Kinnie and his lyrics, a'cuz some of 'em jest don't make any sinse tuh me. Or the grammer is just plane rong, as I once wrote in an article about dumb lyrics. Anyway, I haven't slept well recently on account of a lot of life-crap going on, and the other night I was lying dead awake flopping around and cursing in my mind the sound of the air-conditioning fan and how the a/c switch isn't working right and it's always too cold or not running and it NEVER runs according to the program it's set to. And the small tyke kicks his wall in his sleep, and the big one stays awake till all hours bumping around and making just the kind of small noises that keep an annoyed insomniac's title intact. And I thought of that dumb "You Decorated My Life" song and laughed in my head so as not to wake up my snoring mate.

Then I went on to another song that has had me all flummoxed because it uses so many negative constructions I get lost and can't understand what Kinnie really means when he's sangin' to his honey:

I can't remember when you weren't there
When I didn't care for anyone but you . . .

Now, the first line I can understand. Only two negatives, "can't" and "weren't." Okay, so he can't remember when she wasn't there; in other words, he only remembers her always being there.

It's the second line that like to give me the fantods. I can't remember when I DIDN'T care for ANYONE BUT you. Say what now?

I'm having a good day today, and I believe I can use my superior brain power to untangle this mess of litotes finally. Is it a compliment to Kinnie's honey? I think not! 'Fact I b'lieve if I were she, I'd find it right aggra-VAT-in'. Because if you take it apart, it appears he thinks about NOT caring for anyone BUT her. That would be okay, because it would mean that he hadn't ever not cared for her, 'cuz he didn't care for anyone BUT her. Now I reckon that there would be a compliment. Only it ain't, when you tack on all them other fancy two-dollar negative words.

See, he can't remember when he DIDN'T care for anyone but his honey. In other words, all he remembers is caring for gals other than she.

Well, Kinnie, bless yer little white-haired heart. You son of a gun. You're all the time sangin' about what seems to be yer own llittle honey, while what'cher really sayin' is you been runnin' round with everbody else.

Well THAT ain't right! Repent, you old, rich sinner.