Thursday, July 05, 2007


There's a great poem by Joanne Kyger ("Destruction" in the section entitled "Beasts" in Good Poems, edited by Garrison Keillor) that describes how a bear ransacks a cabin. This morning I looked out the kitchen window to discover this--look under the bench:

At the base of the wrought-iron post is a pot full of lily bulbs. The plants are flourishing and just on the verge of blooming into my favorite big pink Asiatic lilies. I should say they were flourishing, until the middle of last night sometime. There used to be three plants, but as you can see from the photo somebody marauded one of the plants. Ripped it right out of the pot. Took the buds off. Shredded the stalk in half. Tore the precious leaves right off that sucker.

Who? Who? Who would do such a thing? Rampant, egregious destruction. A blatant, violent attack upon an innocent and potentially beautiful flower. Obviously it wasn't deer; they can only nibble. Not squirrels; the plant was to big for them. Not the many birds, however aggressive they may be, and many of them are.

Tyke took one look and said, "Raccoons."

He's pretty smart, that tyke. Of course he is right. I've never seen any raccoons around here, but I know they're on our property and the neighbors'. Tyke said that once when he was up high in his favorite tree he saw some raccoons going into a den by the remains of an old stone tree ring on our property. Occasionally they get into garbage cans and tear up garbage on the street.

So, news for the raccoons: I am officially stalking you. What would you like to taste next? A little arsenic? That can be arranged. When I catch you, I'll hang you upside down from the wrought iron post and pelt you with a slingshot full of large gravel. I don't care if you DO wash your grubby little hands before you eat. I'll grab them and tear you limb from limb.

I guess it's obvious that PETA gets no vote from me. I have even worse things to say about squirrels.

From now on, No Trespassing! I'm playing hard ball.



At 7/05/2007 1:12 PM, Blogger Nance said...

Sputnik, my hatred of raccoons is second only to my hatred of squirrels! My fishpond was decimated by a raccoon attack a few years ago, and I lost several fish, all of whom were pets. I saw the offender's pawprints clearly on the rimrock; luckily, I was able to save two fish who were severely slashed while trying to be caught. And if you've been a reader at The Dept. for any length of time, you know of my War on Squirrels. I'm with you, comrade! Let's GET 'EM!

At 7/06/2007 2:09 AM, Blogger Crafty Green Poet said...

I love animans but they can be pests if they get in the wrong places. I know that you can get sonic alarms that would keep squirrels off your property, would they work for

At 7/06/2007 9:57 AM, Blogger sputnik said...

Thanks, Crafty! Good idea. All I could think of was some kind of organic spray that would repel them, but that smells nasty to people, too, especially if it's right outside the door and windows. I tried one for deer and it was awful.

At 7/06/2007 9:58 AM, Blogger sputnik said...

Nance, we are sistahs! There's power in numbers.


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